Thanks to my mother for this link to Lego musicians.

Yes, I rearranged my Xanga layout.  It needed it.

I had promised a self-reflective post earlier this month.  I've finally composed something that isn't TMI.  I have a tendancy to do too much backstory.  That's despite the fact that I've been journaling since I was a small child, and have no doubt covered that backstory many times.

---

My childhood was full of mental and emotional turmoil.  As I grew older, the dysfunction in my family led me to The Recurring Nightmare.  As I grew even older, I hardened my heart.  I tried to convince everyone that I wasn't a member of humanity, but above it all.  I never really fooled myself, but I tried.  I wanted to be above the pain and pettiness of humanity. 

By the time high school rolled around I decided to have a possitive outlook.  I unthawed my heart, and tried to be the best person I could be.  I became a peer leader within my parish's teen program.  I joined over half a dozen school organizations.  By the time college came around, I was actually capable of dating (as brief as that was). 

Then I took a job with a media clipping organization.  I've always enjoyed keeping up with current events, so the job seemed a no-brainer.  But being bombarded with the pain and anguish of humanity on a fulltime, daily basis was too much for me.  I was either going to become depressed or go mad, so I just shut off my emotional connection to the world again.  It was the only way to watch tsunami and earthquake disasters, genocide, chauvenism, et cetera and maintain my mental health.  If you can call that healthy...

After I left that job, it took a long time to regain my connection to the world again.  And to be honest, I've hidden from pain so much in my life I'm no longer sure when I do feel pain if I'm feeling too little or too much.

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I couldn't agree with this quiz more.  I do take life a little too seriously.  Not so much as I once did, thanks to a little help from my friends...

Metaphysical Block your blockage: 7% sexual 11% emotional 50% metaphysical

You think too much, take life a little to seriously, and as you can see from this handy illustration, that gets in the way of you enjoying yourself. Take it easy. Let the good times roll. Give peace a chance. Yes, try living life like a great classic rock song. Then you get the pie.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 4% on sexual You scored higher than 4% on emotional You scored higher than 80% on metaphysical

Link: The Brain Impedance Test written by staff_robot on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." ~Vincent Van Gogh

Currently Listening
Doctor Who 29:  The Chimes of Midnight (8th Doctor & Charlie Pollard)
By Robert Shearman
see related

 

Thief Sins at Holiday Mass

I've copied the Shadowfist events from the DarkCon web site to my own Events section.  It's been awhile since I've used it.  I wish the Photos, Videos, Audios, and Profile portions of Xanga followed my skin like the Weblog, Reviews, and Events portions do.  Heck, I wish I could hide the Videos and Audios portions of my Xanga as I have no current intention to post any.  They automatically hide Reviews and Events, which I had to unhide.  Why doesn't Xanga make each category optional by radio button or check box?  That'd be the most logical thing to do.  Then maybe it'd fix the situation where the Photos, Videos, Audios, and Profile don't show up when looking at Reviews or Events and where Reviews and Events don't show up when looking at Photos, Videos, Audios, or Profile. 

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go." ~William Feather

In preparation for next week, check out some Advent Customs.

It's about time.  The way Protected Lists were written it was implied that eventually multiple Protected Lists would be permitted, similar to the Multiply Relationship concept.  However, Xanga decided to create Networks instead.  If any of my various friends are interested in creating a private network, just let me know.  In the meantime I've already joined the Fan Force network.  It'd be cool if Trollhalla had a network, hint, hint.

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

"If an idea's worth having once, it's worth having twice." ~Tom Stoppard

Where did fortune cookies come from and are they really Chinese?

similar_stranger said, "Somehow your quote makes me feel guilty. Oh well, small mind... at least it works--no?"  I certainly never meant anyone to feel guilty.  After all, journals (including weblogs like mine) are naturally about discussing people.  This here 'blog is a discussion of me.  Does that mean we all have small minds?  No, my interpretation of the quote is that people that only discuss people are small minded;  those which discuss people and events are average minded;  and those which discuss people, events, and ideas are capable of being great minded.  It's the natural progression of social development in people, IMO. 

I've been catching up on my lj blogs, but not my Xanga blogs.  Normally I do the opposite.  I need more time,  It's had to believe that Advent starts next week.  My mother pointed out to me that I hadn't put away my Christmas videos from last year when I pulled them out and placed them atop my television set.  (Why do we call it a set, when it's a single unit anyway?)  There's a lot of things I don't make time for in my life.  I obviously need to reprioritize, something I seem to always be saying but not doing.   

Speaking of bad priorities, check out the most recent Onna Chance for another great gaming moment.  How could you not laugh? 

A week ago Sunday our hiking group resumed, doing the short basic trail between 40th Street and Tatum Boulevard and back.  Afterwards we went to 5 & Diner for breakfast, which was fun.  Then I went home for a nap before mass.  Father Joy read the gospel which inspired one of the best sequences in The Last Battle.  His homily focused on the Communion of Saints, a theme throughout all three readings.

Monday Bill and I went to Chuy's before finally seeing the new Pirates movie at the discount theatre.  Can you believe that it's $3 to see a discount movie now?!  The discount prices keep creeping up and up.  (I must be getting old.)  It was OK, but it was like The Empire Strikes Back or Back to the Future Part II in that it was obviously the dark second act of a three act story.  You knew early on in watching the film that it would end unended.  And amazingly, it did so fairly predictably.  That didn't make it unfun, just not as entertaining as I had hoped.  That may also be part of the long period of anticipation preceding my chance to finally see it. 

Thursday saw a day off from work, so I went with my mother and grandparents to Thanksgiving Day diner at Cracker Barrel (yes, just like last year).  Afterwards we headed back to their place to celebrate my grandfather's concurrent birthday, where my stepfather joined us.  He received a Marines ball cap from my grandmother, cash from my parents, and The Railroaders (from Bookman's) from me. 

Friday my mother and I hit the Black Friday sales before I had to go into work.  We hit eight stores in two hours, plus eating breakfast from Jack in the Box while waiting between the stores we had already hit and the stores which hadn't opened yet.  If you plan your sales out right the night before you can usually get everything you need quickly and without a lot of fuss.  Unfortunately, my mom know what I bought them and I know what she bought me, but that's the price we pay for shopping when the best bargains are.  Of course, once I was at work it was relatively dead, as we don't offer any Black Friday sales.  Thus, our holiday customers will hit the time-sensitive sales first and hit us when convenient.  Saturday was kind of slow, too, as usual. 

Saturday after work I also ran the first installment of Chapter Three in Chaos Out of Order, my continuing Dark Sun campaign set 300 years after the normal timeline.  They get some of the mystery so right, but then they get some of it so wrong.  It's fun watching them slowly solve it, especially when one or the other has the right idea and the others disagree.  I think they've all been right at one time or another while the others disagreed.  As long as they're having fun I'll continue.

Yesterday I went to BJ's birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza before my mother picked me up to go to mass.  It was fun, and BJ seemed happy with all of his many gifts.  I can't recall them all, so I won't bother trying to list them.  I gave him some Throne War, Netherworld 2, and Two-Fisted Tales boosters, a rule book from 10,000 Bullets, and a box of Deck Protector Sleeves so he finally has enough cards to hopefully build a deck and use the box.  Between the boosters I gave out for demos and those that he purchased at Hexacon, he didn't have enough yet to build anything remotely playable.  I also had a chance to play Lisa in air hockey, which was enjoyable.  The time went too fast.  Despite my mother being antisocial, she did seem to enjoy talking with Kim and Lisa.  Maybe someday she can get the ladies to see what's enjoyable about Doctor Who. 

At mass I was supposed to be the first lector, but ended up being the only lector.  Christ the King is a fun mass to attend every year, because before the main procession of the gospel book, altar servers, and priest we have several eucharistic ministers process forward with candles as the music minister announces sacramental and ministerial statistics for the past liturgical year (one stat with each candle that processes forward).  Of all of the parishes I've attended on Christ the King, St. Paul is the only one to do this. 

Father Gene noted before mass in the sacristy that one of the altar servers was now sporting an ear ring, and seemed surprised that his grade school allowed such a thing.  He didn't make the server take it out, just as he never asks me to hide my long hair.  He did mention once again about his desire to retire in the next year.  I wonder if Father Joy would become pastor or if they'd assign us someone else.  In his homily Father Gene discussed kings and kingship, and how Christ is a holy king rather than a material king.

Before and after mass I was part of the team maintaining the Christmas Angels on the trees in the vestibule.  My mother volunteered to help, which was nice of her.  The Christmas Angels are clothing items (green angels), clothing sets (blue angels), or something nice--such as a toy for children--(blue angels) for the poor of El Mirage.  When I first was involved in our parish's El Mirage Christmas Angels Project, El Mirage was a poor hispanic community in the rural area outside the metropolitan area.  Now El Mirage is mostly composed of upper middle class anglo families and retirees in various cookie cutter developments.  The poor of the community are now disenfranchised by their own city, which is now considered to be part of the metropolitan area.   The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Or something like that. 

Hey, I found my missing Feng Shui sourcebooks Back for Seconds, Thorns of the Lotus, and Blood of the Valiant today while looking for something else completely.  They had been filed with my outdated calendar collection.  Yes, I keep everything.  But, I was actually looking for some stuff I knew I had somewhere that I will be getting rid of after years of storing for absolutely no good reason.  Don't ask me why the books were hidden with the calendars.  I have no idea.  And, no, I won't be getting rid of my calendars.  They're a journal of sorts with various events scribbled in them.  Future generations might want that history. 

Then I submitted some corrections to the RPG Wiki of RPGnet for the Feng Shui entries.  I'll have to scan some covers sometime to complete their Feng Shui data for the Daedalus Entertainment (and Ronin Publishing) era.  Then I'll work on inputting all of the Dark Sun data that they're missing.  Remind me if I forget.  Thanks.

Well, Heroes:  The Best Show on Television will be on soon, so I'm gonna jet. 

Thanks to the_chaos_opera for the quiz:

Horus Sparkling personality, intense will, intelligent, understanding, impatient to exert influence. Colors: male: red carmine, female: gold Compatible Signs: Bastet, Geb Dates: Apr 20 - May 7, Aug 12 - Aug 19 Role:God of the pharaoh Appearance: Form of a falcon-headed man, wearing the double crown of Upper and Lower Egypt Sacred Animal: falcon What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

"If an idea's worth having once, it's worth having twice." ~Tom Stoppard

Hello again, my journal.  This xTools feature you have rocks.  I can type away in you when sites are loading too slow for me. 

I must say that I had a great ego boost this evening when I recieved an E-mail stating:

I mention you frequently here - you were truly one of the best gamemaster-guys I've had the pleasure to play with, and maybe, when things are forgiven and forgetten (or you ever want to visit SF) I'll get that chance again.

Comments like that just blow me away!  I'm always trying to figure out what I do right and what I do wrong while gamemastering, so that I can be better.  Yet people never give me specifics.  It's frustrating at times, but at least comments like that let me know that I'm not too far off the mark. 

Welcome to the first on-line installment of Paul's journal.  When I was young I started journalling as an outlet.  My secret hope (not so secret in the years since) was that someday my journals would be published for the world to read.  It's a rather self-centred desire, but the fact that these weblogs have been on the Internet for years would seem to indicate that it is not a unique desire.  I've always intended to get a weblog since I first discovered the concept from my ex-foster mother Kathi (not to be confused with my biological mother Kathy, whom I will always refer to as Mom) several years ago. 

Because I don't have time for two journals, don't expect me to lie or pull punches here.  If you're offended by my honesty, this is the only time I will appologize.  I believe that Truth is intregral to a healthy life.  No Good can come from the suppression of Truth. 

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank the Lord my God for my life, health, and opportunities.  Without Him, this weblog would not be possible.

Peace and God Bless!

Paul Donald Peter Tanton