Static Shock does Gotham City (finally!)

So I'm catching up on E-mails and weblogs when one of them reminds me of one of my dreams last night.  In it, I run into Jennifer Bentz who is hanging out with Javier Castro while the "ever-present war"* wages around us.  She's a little older (age enhanced like on the milk cartons) and dressed in a businesswoman's suit for whatever reason, and its obvious to me that she's unhappy to see me.  Apparently, she's upset with me for not having pursued her, and Javier refuses to get involved.  Her marriage has ended, and she wishes she'd married me.  Talk about weird.

For those that don't know, I had a crush on Jen the whole length of hs until the time of the senior prom.  When suddenly I realised that the friendship I had carefully cultivated with the woman for whom I'd held a torch for so long meant more to me than any potential romance.  I ended up asking Molly to the prom as a safe friend who wouldn't take it otherwise, never even asking Jen.

So why dream of her so many years later?  Does she represent not having followed the flock and settling down like normal folk do?  Does she represent a deep desire to date again?  Did a part of me always remain interested in her? 

So I started to think of what could have sparked it, and I remembered a little something from yesterday.  Thsi beautiful young woman I recognized from the Burton Barr Library came into our store.  She was there to purchase maps for the Map Library.  ANd I remember being impressed enough with her conversational abilities that I looked to see if she had a ring.  That's something I've only done twice in my lifetime.  Neither woman had a ring, and I pursued neither woman any further.  Mostly due to the fact that I wouldn't even know where to begin. Well, Theresa did have a ring on, but it was on her middle finger so I'm not counting that.

So maybe this dream was about how I always let potential mates get away from me without really trying.  I guess there's a part of me that wants a romantic relationship.  The question now is, do I ignore it or nuture it?  Do I educate it or crush it?  I guess its time for more prayerful reflection.  But before that its time for bed.  Night!

I hate being stressed about something as lame as money.  Several of my utilities require high dollar start up costs due to my lack of a utility history.  I don't know how people ever afford starting out on their own without a grant.  The fact that I've been paying at least my fair share of these utilities over the years has no bearing to them, because they have no proof in the matter.  That's logical enough, but if the account is not changing address or asking for an interruption in service shouldn't it be easy enough to assume that the roommate taking over the bills has been paying part of those bills before?  *sigh* 

Last night Wayne had me over for his first homemade pizza.  He also served a salad made from items grown in his garden.  Both were quite tasty.  First Eric, now Wayne, who's the next bachelor who will be using me for a food guinea pig? 

When I got home last night my computer was slower than my old dial up, so I had to defrag.  Unfortunately, I feel asleep while waiting for it complete.  But my computer is back to its normal high speed today.    Yay!  Now let's hope the electricity doesn't get shut off. 

Although I've long since finished The Mind Parasites, I thought I'd go ahead and leave you with this quote from page 194:

Among the various ideas Wilson puts forward in his book (written as Camus or Nietzsche, where fiction is really only there to teach their own philosophies), it was the one idea which rang the most true.  Is this pain that he speaks of the reason that some people do not like babies, to see or to hold?  It might just be a possibility. 

And his idea that adults learn at some point to devalue life, yet do not start out that way certainly seems to have evidence everywhere one turns--even when I ignore the warmongering going on and just look to the everyday values in our culture. 

More importantly, it points out to me that I, too, devalue life to a certain degree, even if I'd like to think that I don't.  When I say grace, I'm not really thankful to go for the fact that my life is continued due to the loss of another's life.  Worse, I learned long ago how to harden my heart to the news.  When I worked for a media clipping service I quickly realised I had to either harden my heart or go crazy.  That too is a devaluation of life. 

But I pray for God's guidance, which is all anyone can do.  I may not be able to fully deprogram myself, but with God I should be able to appreciate more of the life in this world that He has created.  It's all a part of the journey towards being a better Human.  And isn't that what we all want?